choose struggle or adventure

09 Sep How My Body & Health Changed Through Taking Control

(… It’s not all you might think!)

I’ve talked a fair bit recently about the ways in which I’ve healed myself over the last few years, of which I’m immensely proud. If there’s one thing I’m passionate about, it is our ability to take control of our lives, including our health, and turn them into whatever we most wish for. I honestly believe that, and would stake my very life on the premise.

However, to the outsider it may look at times like it’s all sweet smelling roses in this new miracle-land of health, wellbeing and alchemy. And I think it’s important to be totally real here for a moment, because we have a tendency in our culture to believe things are either black or white, good or bad, miraculous or downright stupid. Well, like it or not, life is NOT EVER black or white. And sometimes, the honest facts can feel like a bit of a letdown.

The truth is, I’ve been having a bit of a pity party today. It happens sometimes. Usually I don’t allow the gremlins of negativity stage space in my head, but some days I do just want to throw my toys out the pram, stamp my feet and growl at anyone within glaring distance, “it’s not fair!”

Because the road to full health – like any pilgrimage – is never an EASY one. There are always, ALWAYS days you wonder why you simply didn’t just keep moseying along like you were before all of this, getting by, suffering in other ways, yes – BUT certain things were easy and simple for you. Life was simpler (or so you feel).

For me, I miss feeling “normal”. And yet as soon as I write this I want to laugh, retch and cry all at the same time. Because I don’t think I’ve ever felt normal in my life! Whatever that even means. But right now, it simply means to me:

  • Not having to deal with full-body eczema, even if it is getting better.
  • Not having to have baths every – single – morning and freaking out if I’m running out of Dead Sea salt because a bath without it would be torture.
  • Not having to slather myself in coconut oil/Vaseline and wander round the house naked for half an hour until I’ve cooled down enough to put some clothes on.
  • Not having to care about what I can or can’t eat for every – single – meal and snack.
  • Not having to take a zillion supplements to support my recovering immune system and inner organ functions.
  • Not having to worry about what I can wear each day in terms of whether it will make me itch/sweat/make my sensitive skin feel too exposed/show other people my bad skin etc.
  • Not having to feel absolutely mortified if someone other than hub sees me without basic make-up because I feel a total freak without it.
  • And so on…

Quite a pity party. I’ve also been looking back at pictures of myself before I began this journey in earnest, and wishing I had my looks back. Looks that I always hated, looks that I described back then as ugly or plain, looks that I really never believed I had at all. And yet I’ve changed: my condition has left its mark both internally and externally.

But still? I would go through the whole goddamn hellish torture again. Without a doubt.

I can deal with ravaged skin and a body that is not yet fully healed. I can even deal with the emotional trauma of the whole process. Because this is what it TAKES to become whole. This is what it TAKES to be in control. This is what it TAKES to live an open, honest, FULL life. My journey has made me a much richer person in a multitude of ways. And despite my ongoing skin issues, my body has also changed in other, much more positive (and some very surprising) ways:

  • I healed ALL traces of asthma and allergies, sinusitis, congestion, haytever, hyperhydrosis, headaches and migraines, depression, random bruising, irregular periods and much more including chronic fatigue:
  • My sweat glands started working normally (though I do find sweating really uncomfortable!).
  • My cycles, now regular, also became shorter and lighter.
  • My lower belly flattened out and I lost some extra pounds which have stayed off easily (about a stone actually).
  • My bulky 30GG chest changed inexplicably to a very pert and manageable 32F.
  • I discovered how to manage my energy effectively even on ‘bad’ days (no mean feat in itself!).
  • I discovered how to cope with very little sleep over a long period AND how to nap effectively! (Even parenthood hadn’t been able to do this for me).
  • I started to look in the mirror and appreciate what I saw – EVEN on the bad days!

Quite an impressive lot really.

But there are still the bad days – days when I feel either mentally, emotionally or physically poorer, or perhaps all of these. And in these days I have to pull out ALL my tools to get me back into that zone of appreciation and empowerment again. These are the tools I researched, gathered, created, researched more, and keep creating as I make new connections between different areas of “stuckness” in the arena of chronic illness. Without these tools I would be utterly lost, and would sink easily into a cycle of frustration and helplessness.

I am forever grateful for this path, because it lifted me out of a much darker, blurry existence. And yet, above and beyond that, I am grateful to have the skills, tools and passion to SHARE and lift OTHERS up – those of you who are currently stuck and feeling helpless, or those who have begun their journey and just need the support and motivation to KEEP GOING.

I would not be here without my own mentors, whose support and encouragement still lights up my heart when I most need it. And of course, I have my ever-growing backpack of trusty tools to help me out of any situation or hole.

So YES, my body has changed. My mental, emotional, intuitive and spiritual selves have certainly changed – all evolving to a far higher plane of consciousness and presence. And ultimately, this is who I am. This is who WE ALL are – our inner selves radiating out into the world in waves. If we allow those waves to flow uninterrupted by doubt, guilt, fear, envy… Then everyone can see clearly who we are at heart. But if we remain stuck in our insecurities and fears, those waves become stuck too – embedded deep in our layers of self, fighting to become free and causing no end of problems until we remove the obstructions and allow the unfettered flow once more.

Where are YOU stuck, lovely? What is it you are scared to let go of?

I’m opening up 5 new spots in my 1-1 mentorship package… If you’re ready to move on up in your life, stop letting chronic illness and limiting beliefs hold you back, and start ALLOWING in the magic, then I’d love to chat with you. For a no-obligation Shake-Up Session, book in with me here and let’s start freeing up those beautiful waves of yours