19 Apr CONFESSIONS OF A SERIAL SELF-SABOTAGER
This last month I almost jeopardised 4 hard years of dedicated work, study, struggle, blood, sweat, tears and a whole lot more besides.
In fact, the real truth is, I have spent the whole last year self-sabotaging this one big goal of mine.
Plus the rest…
You see, I had a year’s extension to finish up the work and professional ‘extras’ required for my yoga teacher’s qualification. Most of my classmates on the 500+ hour diploma finished last March, and a few also required a short extension. Because I missed the bulk of 15 months of the course due to TSW, I gained a year’s long extension.
And I wasted it. Oh, I’ve continued to teach and further my professional development. But LIFE seemed to keep getting in the way of doing the diploma work.
And I won’t make excuses, I WON’T. But honestly, it’s been the hardest thing EVER to find the time, space, money, energy and brain power to JUST DO THE WORK.
This is how it is, when we subconsciously KNOW there’s a lot at stake. That perhaps, if we ACHIEVE that big goal, things will suddenly be very different in our lives. Possibly even HARDER! Requiring more energy, time, space, money and responsibility.
The ego gets scared, very, very scared. And it puts up a big fight.
You will begin to manifest obstacles in your life like you wouldn’t BELIEVE. Anything – everything! – to take your focus away from that big scary goal.
It was exactly the same when I was finishing my undergraduate degree. AND my postgraduate.
Yes, I’ve ALWAYS self-sabotaged. Only, I’ve never seen it as such. It’s never been so CLEAR to me before. It always just felt bloody hard and I questioned SERIOUSLY and REPEATEDLY whether it was actually worth it!
I’m sure you can relate.
- Maybe you have a chronic health problem that Just. won’t. Go. Away. (I understand that one too!).
- Maybe you are persistently several pounds over your ideal weight, no matter WHAT you try.
- Maybe you secretly KNOW that your chocolate/wine/Netflix addiction is kind of out of control, but you just can’t see past it.
- Maybe you are even guilty of obsessively exercising or eating ‘healthily’ to the detriment of the peace/calm/balance and level of PRESENCE in your life.
These are ALL self-sabotages. And all of them can be easily ‘fixed’ once you begin to acknowledge them as such. Until then, you will always see yourself as a victim, prey to the limiting beliefs holding you back, and the winsome ways of food/alcohol/entertainment which you are UNWILLING (not unable) to say ‘no’ to.
Yet how damn empowering would it be to decide, once and for all, to say YES to yourself? To say, “Actually, I’m fed up of holding myself back like this, and there’s NOTHING stopping me getting over/through this, NOTHING. I can do anything if I set my sights on it and don’t give up. I can move mountains if I have to BUT I choose that this will be EASY for me. I choose that! It is easy for me to overcome this block and I’m so looking forward to fully becoming that free, emboldened woman I know I really am inside!”
Or perhaps – very likely in fact – the idea of being so POWERFUL is actually terrifying to you? Because:
- Your friends/family won’t like you any more
- You feel it will be hard work to maintain
- You don’t want to stand out and be the “tall poppy”
- You’re scared to be so present and honest with yourself
- You fear looking like a failure/ being ridiculed
And so on.
And so we continue with the self-sabotaging. On and on and on and on. We hide, we suppress, we stuff down our real emotions and dreams. They feel too big, too uncomfortable. And the more we stuff down and suppress, the more that negative energy gets stuck in our physical bodies, creating and PERPETUATING illness and disease.
There is only one cure for this. And that is to GET HONEST with yourself.
Recognise that you are literally HURTING. Recognise that you are cutting yourself down. And REALISE that only YOU can save yourself.
- Not the knight in shining armour
- Not the lottery
- Not even your doctor/specialist
You have to make the decision first. You have to CHOOSE RIGHT NOW that this THING will NOT cut you down!
You will NOT be made to feel LESS THAN by anyone or anything!
And you are DONE – absolutely frigging D.O.N.E. – with excuses, no matter how appropriate they may seem!
Often it is the contrast of what we don’t want that finally puts the boot up our butt to get us on the road to what we DO want. There’s nothing more confronting to us than moseying along, comfortable and cosy in our world until BAM! We get hit by a truck labelled “bankruptcy”, “divorce”, “death” or “fatal disease” etc.
But sometimes even then we ignore the signs, and continue on. And on and on and on and on.
What will you choose?
For my part, I’m pleased to say I ate the frog and DID THAT WORK necessary to complete my certification. Done and dusted.
And with that out of the way I’m back to concentrating on the healthier version of me. For a while there I slipped back into eating and movement habits that were NOT serving me, that were certainly slowing down or even reversing my healing process.
Already I am feeling and seeing the benefits of that choice – radically!
Because although there is most definitely WORK associated with change, that work becomes EASY when you fix your mindset first.While there is always WORK associated with change, that work becomes EASY when you fix your mindset Click To Tweet
I want you to know, above all else, that you are never alone in this. While it might seem like everyone around you has their shit together, I promise you they don’t! In some way, however big or small, every one of us struggles daily with a form of self sabotage.
Yep, even the super duper successful people. Even Richard Branson.
The key is your focus. Keep your eye on the prize and never give up.
Because, really, what’s the alternative?
I would love to hear what your BIGGEST self-sabotage is right now, and why you think it’s coming up for you. Let’s be honest, open and vulnerable!
Let’s start the SHIFT for you, right here and now!