01 Dec Because You Asked For It

I’m in the midst of another flare this week, and it has brought a few things forcefully to my attention – things it’s time I really stopped ignoring.

I wonder what it is you’re trying to ignore? To hide away from? To hope it will go away if you just keep wishing and ASKING it to?

This has been my first problem, I realise, on my healing journey. In most ways I am doing ALL THE RIGHT THINGS (for me, in particular – every journey is unique!) and I can see that although my progress is far from linear (oh wouldn’t that make things easier!), I AM getting gradually better. I like to think I’ve helped that by focusing on looking after myself, caring for my basic needs as much as possible, and accommodating those times when things AREN’T so easy, like today.

BUT… Couldn’t things be speeded up a little? I mean, I’m doing ALL the right things… Aren’t I?

Alas, I realised this weekend I’ve been doing one thing very wrong indeed. And I’ll bet you can apply this to the thing YOU most want in your life right now too!

It’s so simple, and yet also quite probably the HARDEST thing in the world to do.

You need to ask the RIGHT way!

What do I mean by that? Just now, I’ll bet you’re focusing on the problem and trying to see a way out. Natural enough, I grant you. How can you see the other side until you’re THERE?!

If you’re inside a burning building, it’s pretty hard to concentrate fully on the idea of being safely outside, mug of brandy in hand and feeling incredibly thankful that everyone is OK. What your focus instinctively moves to is:


Survival mode. Panic – even if it’s focused panic, it’s still panic! You’re still saying, “I don’t want to be here! Let me out!”

And so you’re giving more attention TO the problem. Even when you start to find a way out of the burning building; even when you begin to drink in great gulps of beautiful fresh air; even when the burly firefighters grab you and spirit you off to absolute and certain safety… You REMAIN in panic mode. You’re STILL looking for the way out!

This is how I’ve been dealing with my health, and I realise now that every time I give attention to my illness, I actually slow down my own recovery. Because you ALWAYS get more of what you focus on.

Ever got it into your head that you’d like a purple car, or stripy leggings, or just to see a blue butterfly – and suddenly, you start noticing them EVERYwhere?! You wonder if you’re a trendsetter or maybe you were inadvertently influenced somehow. But no. You just gave your attention to it.

By ASKING FOR a “way out”, you’re actually asking for MORE of the same dilemma.

Do you see? It’s not the words that are important here, but the FEELING. You FEEL stuck and panicked, so therefore that’s what you are actually asking for more of!

This is why top athletes, celebrities and world leaders train themselves to see the END RESULT, and act FROM that place. To them, there is no in-between stage, there is no ‘panic station’. There is only the GOAL.

And so EVEN IF they are far from being on top form, EVEN IF nobody has heard of them, EVEN IF they are currently bottom of the polls, they STILL act from that place AS IF they had already reached their goals.

Already healthy.
Already beautiful.
Already full of energy.
Already living location-free.
Already a millionaire.
Already a thought-leader.
Already a bestselling author.
Already a patient and empathic parent.


And this is exactly how they got THERE!

They asked the RIGHT way. They asked, and followed the path that was lit up for them. They did NOT stay in panic mode, or self-care mode, or “just until things get better” mode, or even “one thing at a time” mode because the ONLY thing they really wanted was all the way on the OTHER SIDE – and so that’s what they focused on! Regardless of where they started, or where they were at ANY given point in time.

It’s not easy. And let’s be honest, sometimes you just HAVE to get out of the burning building first. But as SOON as you’re out? You’d better change your focus quickly, or another drama will quickly follow suit. Ever wonder why your life seems to be a interminable chapter of calamities? This is why!

You asked for it.

Just like I asked for this flare, and the prolonged extension of my recovery.

Because I kept focusing on the PROBLEM!

Ugh. It’s so hard to hear. And it’s even harder to process because you JUST WANT OUT dammit. It’s not FAIR, you cry. WHY would you ask for this – WHY?

And that’s the key, because it’s not WHY but HOW: of course you don’t WANT this, but everything in your being is focused on it. You are asking THROUGH your actions, your thoughts, your very vibration.

It’s like when you’re having a grumpy day, and EVERYTHING seems to be ‘out to get you’ – the traffic, the weather, your co-workers. Even the mail seems to be all-bills! And yet, on those ‘charmed’ days – when you’ve sprung out of bed the right side, your morning was calm and relaxed, breakfast hit the spot, traffic was almost non-existent, you scored a free coffee randomly, and all in all, you just feel tickety-boo – nothing has really changed except YOUR FOCUS.

Do you see?

Do you get it yet?

Instead of asking, “bring me health!” – try “I’m so grateful that I can walk and dress myself and sleep at least a few hours uninterrupted. Bring me more of this!”. Leave out any notion of the things you CAN’T yet do.

Instead of asking, “bring me money!” – try “I love being able to pay my rent and electricity as well as buying yummy food each week. Bring me more of this!”. Omit any sense or feeling of things you CAN’T presently buy/pay for.

Instead of asking, “bring me success!” – try “I’m so excited that I’ve already achieved x, y and z in my life and I’m half way towards completing a, b and c. Bring me more of this!”. Forget completely about the things you haven’t yet achieved, or the things you feel you are failing at currently.

Thinking and FEELING and asking in this way is a double-headed lollipop for you too: not ONLY are you focused on what you REALLY want, but you also get to FEEL AWESOME as you work your way towards it!

But who wants to feel GOOD, right? I mean, it’s so much EFFORT to put yourself in that zone… It’s really too hard and besides, feeling crappy and hard-done-to is comfortable and familiar. Yes, I’ll stick with that thanks.

Sure, I understand… so long as you remember, this is what you ASKED for!

I’d love for you to tell me in the comments below if this helped reframe where you’re currently stuck, and what you WILL be asking for today.

Let me know below!

…And if you’re ready to really get your Big Vision crystal clear and truly OWN YOUR MAGIC then let’s chat! TODAY IS THE LAST DAY I’m taking on 1-1 clients this year. If you’re sitting on the fence, or you just want to find out more, PM me now, or tag me below and I’ll connect with you. I’m also available for short Skype calls – just let me know and I’ll arrange it.

Feeling brave and ready to jump right in? Book your place now!