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01 Oct Are You There Yet?

This post goes out today to a dear friend. It’s my part-attempt as a sincere apology AND a promise to myself that THIS. STOPS. NOW.

Because although I’ve been doing my damnedest to WALK MY TALK and really step up into my truth and my highest self, the REAL TRUTH is it’s not been anywhere near good enough.

I’ve been short-changing myself AND my friends and family. I’ve not been doing ALL THAT IS NECESSARY to really show up in my life AND IN THEIRS.

What do I mean by that?

For a start, I’ve been SO caught up in my own journey, I’ve completely neglected to be an involved companion on theirs. And that really sucks.

However, just before you get complacent that you’re not guilty of this, being a FULL AND HONEST part of your dearest one’s journey does NOT equate to being a martyr. I see a huge pattern of this going on and while I totally COMMEND you for wanting to help and be a “good friend”, it’s important to know that YOUR FRIEND deserves the best – and that is you, wholly and truthfully YOU, showing up as your best self and no less than that.

Which of course means looking after yourself, being COMPASSIONATE with yourself AND doing the actual work to step on up.

If I’m being brutally candid, I think I’m pretty good at doing all three these days (though it took me a long time to get here and hey, I still have bad days!). But it’s not good enough. Not for me, and not for my loved ones.

And you know WHY? Because I’m not “THERE” yet.

I’m NOT yet the highest manifestation of myself, on ANY level. Though I’ve travelled light years in the past year alone.

I’m NOT yet living the full dream that I envisage for myself and my family. Though what we have in SO many ways is pretty damn awesome, and I’m proud of that.

I’m NOT yet financially secure enough that I don’t need to worry about how the bills will be paid each month, and anything beyond the essentials requires meticulous and focused planning – which we often don’t get round to. But OVERALL we are better off than we have been in a good few years.

I’m NOT yet physically who I most want to be – I still suffer crappy skin and haven’t been able to do anything to my hair for the last 3 years. My eyebrows and lashes have disappeared and even when my skin is smooth and rash-free, it is thickened and wrinkled from constant rubbing and scratching. And yet I know that this is ALL a small price to pay for having vastly improved health overall, and it has taken me mentally to a totally new level, beyond what I could have previously imagined.

I’m NOT yet a good friend. I desperately want to be there WITH AND FOR my friends, but often I’m not, and I hate that. I often wonder whether I really deserve my friends at all, or why they put up with me. But maybe it’s because they know I love them deeply, and I’m always here when they truly need me, no matter what.

The truth is, of course, that there IS NO “THERE”. You’re not “there” yet because you NEVER STOP EVOLVING (unless you choose to!).

You NEVER just one day wake up and find yourself to be the ULTIMATE friend, lover, parent, partner, leader, director, whatever.

So STOP LOOKING FOR IT!

And more importantly, stop being fucking SCARED of it.

If there IS NO “PERFECT” then you truly have NOTHING to lose.

That’s where I’ve been failing recently. I’ve not been FULLY showing up and STEPPING UP because I guess, I’m scared of letting myself down, letting my friends and family down.

And the IRONY in that is that through NOT doing that essential work, I HAVE let them down.

Big time.

We all have a CHOICE about who we are and HOW we are that person each day. And if you CHOOSE not to fully show up as the whole, candid self, then you are cheating both YOURSELF and your loved ones.

It will always come back to bite you in some way.

This weekend, I have to live with the fact I won’t be attending the wedding of a dear, dear friend. Because I did NOT DO THE WORK necessary to make sure we could get there.

Well that stops right now. For CERTAIN. I’ve been fully shamed into putting a boot up my own arse.

I no longer CHOOSE to be financially strait-jacketed. That is NOT my destiny, and enough is enough. It STOPS HERE.

I choose instead to show up fully and honestly each day, spreading my message and inspiring my ideal clients to work with me, because they KNOW that I have the transformational tools, skills and EXPERIENCE to move them upwards on their journey CONSISTENTLY AND COMPASSIONATELY.

I choose to fully show up and DO THE WORK to become a better friend/partner/lover/parent/writer/etc because THAT is what it takes to keep evolving.

And I trust in the knowledge that there is no end point to this journey – there is no NIRVANA. Just constant evolution.

Tell me now, lovely, are YOU showing up in all your technicolor glory? Are YOU stuck on your journey? What is preventing you from moving to the next level?

Tell me now in the comments, I’d love to help!