20 Oct 3 Reasons You Are Not Achieving Your Goals
Monday again! What does this mean to you? We are brought up in a society which simultaneously reveres and dreads Monday morning… and yet it’s just another day. It is, as you know, what you make it!
The energy of a Monday is palpable though – just like a Sunday tends to feel kind of lazy and hazy, a Monday is the opposite, charged with frenzy and worry and expectation. Questions automatically fill your head, stressing you out at every opportunity:
- What have I GOT to get done this week?
- What am I behind on?
- What can I get ahead with?
- Who do I need to talk to?
- Why am I not on track?
…And so on
Ironically, what we often give little thought to on a Monday is the Bigger Picture: what is your ultimate GOAL? Not for this week, or even this month, but this YEAR, this DECADE?
Even more ironically, when someone asks us about such goals, our Monday-Morning Mindset kicks in and we immediately get on our high horse, telling ourselves and anyone else within earshot that we are “far too busy” for grand ideas, that “bills won’t pay themselves”, that we “can’t deal with thinking that far ahead”, that we “have to deal with all the urgent things FIRST before anything else”…
We’re all guilty of this. It’s ingrained into our very cells. And although we are often aware of the fact, we do little to rectify it – instead we watch, with a little regret, as our lives zoom past. And each New Year we re-make old resolutions and vow we WILL stick to them this year… that THIS YEAR will be the one you start living your dream life, start being the person you most desire to be, start earning what you are worth, start writing that book, or organising that exhibition, or buying that house…
And here we are, another Monday in mid October. How are you getting on? Have you moved towards what you wanted for this year? What have you achieved so far? Are you on the right path? Have you reached out for opportunities? Did you make some specific intentions and start modifying your mindset to match them? Have you grown?
If you answered “No” to even some of these questions, then you’re by no means alone. The majority of us face resistance when it comes to personal growth. In fact, I’ll be so bold as to say EVERYONE faces resistance, even the pros! (If you haven’t yet read The War of Art by Steven Pressfield, put it on your reading list now).
There are typically three main factors which hold us back from our dreams and goals. And these tend to kick in precisely at the point when we’ve begun to identify a wish for ourselves but before we’ve done anything about it. This snotty voice pipes up suddenly and says: “WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?”
Enter growth-limiting factor number 1:
THE FEAR OF FAILUREWhy would we deliberately pursue anything which we fear we may fail at? Click To Tweet
Why would we deliberately pursue anything which we fear we may fail at? Why would we do that to ourselves? It’s a good question, certainly. And the answer is quite simple: Why not?
After all, what IS failure? What does it mean to you? If you KNEW without a shadow of a doubt you were doomed to failure, how would that make you feel?
It’s fascinating isn’t it? Because in life, we simply cannot avoid failure. In fact, we meet it in some form every single day, from sleeping through the alarm, to falling off the treadmill (or failing to do any exercise at all!) to forgetting to pay your bills on time, to bumping the car in heavy traffic, to disappointing a client, to yelling at your kids, to shrinking your favourite jumper, to spending way too much time on Facebook…
You see? Even if these things seem relatively small to you, you probably see each of them as a “failure” in some way.
FAILURE is inevitable. It’s what you DO with it that counts! Do you use it as a stick to batter your ego? Do you immediately flood your senses with shame and guilt? Do you treat yourself like a naughty, irresponsible little child?
If so, there’s a whole story to uncover there for yourself. But also know, this is totally normal! (But ‘normal’ isn’t getting you anywhere, is it now?).
So, you get that you need to do something. You GET that in order to feel more fulfilled, satisfied, healthy, wealthy, whole, abundant, full of vitality and MORE – you NEED TO TAKE ACTION…
And this is the problem!
Enter growth-limiting factor number 2:
PERCEIVED EFFORT / DELAYED GRATIFICATION
It’s all just way too much effort, right? I mean, you’d have to actually WORK at it, yes? And you just don’t have the TIME or the ENERGY anyway, (OR the money), and who says it will work out (back to Fear of Failure)?
… Or even WHEN it will work out? Maybe you put a tonne of effort in for a while – a day, a week, a month (this is what happens in January every year!) and then, you don’t feel like you’re seeing the results fast enough, so you GIVE UP!
Now I know you’re an intelligent person, and I know you understand that the good shit sometimes DOES take a bit of work, and time, especially if you have crazy-high goals for yourself (and why not?!) and I also know that we ALL get fed up and impatient sometimes.
But give up totally? Talk about throwing the beautifully ornate cake stand out with the stale cake!
First of all, let me address the idea of EFFORT. It can seem like an uphill struggle to do ANYthing which is out of your ordinary, I know. And yet, AND YET, this is sooooooooo important so LISTEN UP!
When you’re tuned in to what you LOVE, it comes easily.
Let me just say that again:
When you are tuned into what you LOVE, it comes EASILY.
For sure! Case in point: when I spend my days going through all the “TO DOs” on my list, it usually feels HARD, LABORIOUS AND SOUL-DESTROYING. I’m sure you can relate! Yet when I ALLOW myself to do something which truly lights me up – like writing, or any kind of creation, it feels LIGHT AND JOYFUL – and I feel FREE! Even on the days when I THINK I can’t or don’t want to create, if I push through that initial resistance, 9 1/2 times out of 10, I find the sweet spot and find myself happily in flow.
You can have that too!
But maybe you say, “Well, Zoë, that’s all very well, and sometimes I get into that zone, but I just can’t stick to it – I always give up!”.
I hear you. Long-term dedication to a goal, no matter HOW MUCH you really want it, is an elusive beast. Sometimes it really feels like all the effort you’re putting in is giving very little back. That’s why it’s so important to have goals that really work for you – goals that are SMART – and which you can work incrementally towards so you always feel like you’re progressing.
Another reason you may feel like it’s all too much effort is when your friends and family won’t quit asking you (often in rather sarcastic or derogatory tones) if you’ve “made it yet” (“it” being the book you’ve professed to write, or the weight you’ve said you’ll lose, or the seminar series you want to launch etc). These same well-meaning folk will attempt to derail you at every opportunity (tearing apart your ideas, feeding you cake and chips, requesting your company during YOUR work hours) and it can feel like TOO MUCH WORK to keep going against the grain.
Enter growth-limiting factor number 3:
PEER PRESSURE / DESIRE TO ‘FIT IN’
It’s not nice to feel like the odd-one-out, especially when it’s ALL THE TIME! Sure, I know you love to stand in your uniqueness and even shout it from the rooftops a little, but sometimes? Sometimes you JUST want to be “normal” and do/be/say/eat/wear what everyone else is… Because, heck, it’s EASIER, right?!
It’s easier not to keep explaining yourself away to family and friends – because, let’s face it, they will NEVER understand!
It’s easier to eat the kind of food that’s readily available and comes in pretty packets rather than making delicious and nutritious meals and snacks from scratch every time.
It’s easier to feel like you’re not a freak, that actually people CAN relate to you, and you never feel like you’re from different planets.
However, I’ve got to tell you, taking the obviously easy road will NOT allow for growth. Because your comfort zone is also your FEAR ZONE. Whatever you try to tell yourself about how much you LIKE being comfortable, this is purely a safety mechanism driven by your ego. And it’s only when you begin to stretch yourself outside of that zone that you realise, actually, it’s NOT THAT SCARY!! In fact, it can be anything from kind of mundane (“Why on earth did I wait so long to try THIS?”) to exhilarating (“Why on earth did I wait so long to try THIS?!”).
It’s ok to dip a toe in the water. It’s ok to take a full-on lap into the lake. And it’s ok to get out, wrap yourself in a huge blanket and snuggle by the fire with hot cocoa. It’s very rarely all-or-nothing, so it’s time to get over this nonsense about fitting in. We are all different, unique, so why fight it?
You can be unique AND fit in. I dare you.
Show the world how it’s done, and love that feeling of being true to yourself whilst also being a friendly, caring and sociable person who has the same drives and troubles as everyone else. It’s just that you DO SOMETHING about them
So, are you ready to go forth and SUCCEED in your life? Tell me in the comments below!
If you liked this article then you will LOVE my upcoming free webinar: “FOOD ISN’T THE PROBLEM: 10 ways to fix your fatigue!”. Live webinar Wednesday 21st October, 8pm GMT / 12pm PDT/ Th 22nd 6am AEDT.
Book in here: I’m experiencing technical glitches with webforms today so if you’re in and want the FULL DEETS of this amazing webinar then give me a “I’M IN ZOE!” below…
Book in NOW to reserve your place and get the free recording afterwards. In this hour I will go into depth on the non-food related factors that are DRAINING your energy reserves and give you tips on how to turn this around, so you feel revitalised even during tough times. This is GOLD – so be sure to book in to get your spot!
I will also be running a Q&A at the end to answer all your questions about this topic!
Can’t wait to chat to you on the call